tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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