no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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