Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
there is glitter all over my balls
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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