ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
