WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
