I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
