living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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