I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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