I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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