HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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