the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
