Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I need a burrito and a hug.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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