somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
