the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
