I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
