just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
