I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
