New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Drunk is a universal language darling
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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