i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
