is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
