the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
