Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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