good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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