I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
