My liver just broke up with me...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
