Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
