Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
