How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
