I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
