that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
