This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I looked at my own cervix.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize