I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
