She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
