her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
