If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Panties = found
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
