I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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