Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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