okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Randomize
