he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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