so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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