I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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