Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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