I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
