i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
