I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize