The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize