i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
