This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i think i just lost a toe
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
