id be glad to
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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