Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
