Moan for me like Helen Keller
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
FUCK WHALES
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
