The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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