She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
