every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
