all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
