we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
