ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize