i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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