ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
