I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
