It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
