she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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