dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
