so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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