Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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