I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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