Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
