I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
