I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i came on her dog
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
50% drunk capacity currently
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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