If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize