It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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