Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
