I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
