i think my tv is drunk
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
