Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
