I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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