You can't motorboat a personality
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
