you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
